


How To Deal With Tony Stark Without Going Crazy

by OperaGoose (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: A Puppy With Muscles, Angst, Crack, Drabble Format, Errant Comment Fic, JARVIS is Awesome, Lists, M/M, Steve Has No Idea How To Flirt, Steve Is Just A Puppy, The 21st Century Confuses Steve, Tony Is Addicted To Caffeine, Tony Stark Is Difficult To Get Along With, What Shall Now Be Known As Crangst, non-linear timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-29
Updated: 2012-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-06 05:31:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/OperaGoose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years carefully observing and assessing other people’s interactions with Tony Stark, JARVIS has compiled a helpful list for the Avengers of tips to getting along with the billionaire/genius/playboy/philanthropist. Steve is the only one who actually reads it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tip 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Orchid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orchid/gifts).



**Tip#1 Do not hand anything to Mr Stark**

“Look at this!” Steve cried excitedly, thrusting a newspaper towards the first person who walked into the kitchen. 

It happened to be Tony, and Steve lowered the newspaper even as the brunet winced and shouldered past him roughly towards the coffee machine. “Don’t care,” he snapped angrily. 

“Please, just look,” Steve said, softer now. He set the newspaper down on the bench and pushed it towards the coffee machine. 

Tony glanced at him, surprised and his expression softened slightly with gratitude. He lifted the newspaper and scrolled his eyes over it as he used the other hand to drink deep from his mug. He lowered both and looked at Steve quizically from under his brow. “A Lord of the Rings Marathon?” He asked dubiously. 

Steve’s eyes lit up and he grinned, easily several hundred watts. “Yes.” 

“You want to go.” Tony drained the mug and watched as Steve nodded enthusiastically, eyes still bright. The engineer sighed heavily and put the mug by the perculator. “JARVIS lock down the codes I’m running downstairs and call Happy to bring around a car.” 

“Of course, sir.” 

When Tony turned back to Steve, the supersoldier’s face was twisted up in confusion. Tony gave him a pointed look. “Are you planning on going to cinemas in your running shorts?” 

Steve’s grin came back and he practically wriggled in excitement. He rested a warm hand on Tony’s shoulder and squeezed firmly. “Thanks, Tony,” he said, and then ran off towards the elevator. 

Tony shook his head in amusement and poured himself another mug of coffee. “Clear my day, JARVIS. I don’t think Steve knows exactly how long these movies go for.” 


	2. Mr Howard Stark

**Tip#2 Under no circumstances are you to mention Mr Howard Stark**

Steve guessed that this very mistake was what had prompted JARVIS to send everyone a copy of the list. 

“I knew your father,” Steve said awkwardly one quiet 3am in the kitchen with Tony. 

The engineer tensed visibly and his eyes, when they turned to Steve, were wary. “Is that so?” He asked coldly. 

“He, uh,” he stumbled at the unexpected frigility from Tony. “He helped with the Supersoldier project.” 

“I know.” 

Steve shifted a leg up onto his knee nervously and took a large drink of water to avoid speaking. “He was a...friend,” he added uncomfortably. At least Steve assumed they were. Howard had been almost as difficult to read as Tony now was. 

The man in question hummed in acknowledgement and glared at the surface of his coffee. Their friendly chatter (to fill the space and frazzle out Steve’s post-nightmare nerves and Tony’s caffeinated energy) seemed leagues in the past. 

Tony made his excuses to go back to the workshop before Steve could try and think of a reason to leave. Once the engineer was safely sealed in the elevator, Steve let his head drop onto the marble countertop with a dull thunk. “What did I do wrong?” He groaned into the night air. 

“You failed one of a number of key guidelines to associating with Mr Stark.” Steve jumped, not quite to used to the house-ghost computer after only two weeks of being at Stark Tower. “I have compiled a list to help Mr Stark’s interactions with the other Avengers. Shall I email it to you, Captain Rogers?” 

Steve bit his lip, uncomfortable and embarrassed. “I don’t know how to check my emails, JARVIS.” 

The house-ghost sighed audibly. “Very well. Do you require a pen and paper to take notes?” 

“I’ll remember,” Steve promised. 

“Very well. The following is a list of key tips to ensure pleasant interactions with Mr Anthony Stark...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have an idea of what JARVIS' other rules may be, send them along and I might like them and shamelessly steal them to stick into the fic.


End file.
